Cosmetic Surgery

i need to write an essay on why i oppose cosmetic surgery, i NEED HELP! my final grade?

this is what ive come up with so far but my thoughts are everywhere…

You’re trying to oppose the right of other people to alter their own bodies with their own money at their own discretion? Good luck.

Anyway..
if you want my brutally honest opinion, start over. Keep what you have, but start a new document in Word and start writing.
Build of off some variation of this thesis sentence: “Dating back to (find the decade when cosmetic surgery started to become popular), the use of cosmetic surgery to alter one’s appearance has since become widespread and is increasingly popular among teens and young adults, but the practice itself is dangerous, self degrading, and damaging to the concept of true beauty.”

This is a thesis sentence (albeit a rushed and shitty one)
This is what your paper is going to talk about.

Start your paper with an interesting fact or anecdote. (“Did you know that in a 2010 study, X number of Americans said they felt compelled to y and listed cosmetic surgery as one of the main causes for this sentiment? etc

Then put a bridge sentence that will lead to your thesis. (“More and more Americans are registering and responding to the subliminal messages embedded in popular culture from cosmetic surgery” or something to that tune,)
Then put your thesis. A good thesis will set up your paper to talk about 3 things (in my example thesis, my three things were “dangerous, self degrading, and destructive towards the concept of true beauty”

Put a snappy conclusion on your intro paragraph, my advice would be for the conclusion to sound cautionary.

Now you have arrived at your body. Here’s what I advise. Do some research on the medical dangers of cosmetic surgery. Find specific examples, numbers, stories of botched surgeries, the long term health risks and effects. Introduce your paragraph by talking about the topic in general (First, cosmetic surgery can be very dangerous and can jeopardize one’s short and long term health.) or something to that effect. Then put your examples down on the paper, and after each one, put some commentary “Horror stories like Jenna’s are not merely one in a million. Tens of thousands of people have suffered from botched breast enhancement surgeries etc etc”
Conclude your paragraph.

Do the same thing for your other two topics (find examples, use examples, commentate on examples.)

Then you come to your concluding paragraph. This paragraph is designed to seal the argument. Don’t simply restate what you’ve already said, and dont bring any new material in. Instead, analyze what you have written in your body paragraph and make definitive statements about cosmetic surgery and why it is bad.
Add something like “while some cosmetic surgery such as breast reduction surgery or facial surgery for severe burn victims are necessary, the majority of cosmetic surgeries do not benefit the patient blah blah blah”
Sound cautionary, warning people about what cosmetic surgery is doing to American society, and slightly optimistic, like you are hoping that people will wake up and public opinion will turn against cosmetic surgery. Put a decent conclusion sentence and you are done.

What you should have is 5 well structured, focused paragraphs that approach the topic rationally, make three points, and conclude in a well reasoned way. I guarantee that if you are a halfway decent writer, you will get at least a B on your paper. If you are good, you will get a high A.

IF you decide to blow off this advice, at least TAKE THIS ADVICE: DO NOT write more than a couple sentences about what you think the concept of beauty should be, about how everyone is beautiful in their own way, and other feel good crap. This is a recipe for disaster.

ALSO: stop talking about “long ago” and start talking about now. Its ok to include some history of CS, but dont make the paper about it.
ALSO: don’t ask to many hypothetical questions
ALSO: don’t advocate taking away the right of cosmetic surgery. instead, say that it is bad and that the public should be educated about the dangers and risks, etc.
ALSO: Don’t use proper pronouns. Don’t say “I am opposing cosmetic surgery” “Say Cosmetic Surgery is X because Y.”

What you have so far lacks focus and structure. Otherwise you are a decent writer. Follow my 5 paragraph essay scheme and you will write a far more coherent and powerful essay, and your grade will reflect that.

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